Hypothetically speaking...

In the 5th grade, kids are starting to get pretty big. I have a boy dominated class and today at the end of the day, one boy looked at me with an overconfident smile on his face and said,

"Mr. Lin, I'm almost bigger than you!"

Hypothetically speaking, in this situation would it be appropriate to say,

"Yes, you're ALMOST as big as me. But I'm still bigger and badder than you,"

and then proceed to accept a challenge to arm wrestle? Yes, I realize that beating a 5th grader in arm wrestling is no reason to carry any swagger, even if he one days grows up to be an NFL lineman or MMA fighter. Not that this actually happened or anything... just wondering if that could be deemed an appropriate response.

WWJD...

Visitors from another planet

OK well not really. But I did have visitors today. Not the kind that comes in unannounced and observes your every mistake. I've had really great administrators that try to make these necessary observations as unobtrusive as possible. They are kind and give great feedback after the lesson and have been very encouraging. The fact of the matter is however, your mistakes are on full display and you are only as good as your last game. Well, not really... but since I've been told I'm my own worst critic, it sure feels that way. So... who were my visitors today? They were 2 of my students from last year who came in to say hello, to sit on my couch, and (I suspect) to tell my students that I wasn't as mean as I say that I am.

"Mr. Lin SAYS he's mean, but don't believe him. He's NEVER hit anyone with his whacking stick,"

announced one former student to the class. Apparently she didn't heed my warning not to come visit if she was going to tell the class I'm a nice teacher.

"She's only saying that because she knows she'll be buried under the school with the other 2 kids that stepped out of line last year,"

I said as I glared at her.


No avail however; I'm pretty sure that I've already blown my own cover. With kids, they often do something that is just so out of whack that you can't help but laugh. And once you laugh, they know you aren't the Marine Drill Instructor that you might pretend to be.

I do enjoy having students visit me however. And, I'm pretty sure that I'll get visitors from the previous year every once in a while. I've had a few different students come by this year and I'm sure I will always appreciate and cherish these visits. One of my hopes however, is to have young adults come visit me many years after they are students in my classroom so I can see what they have become. I hope to see them with successful and promising careers. Most of all however, I hope I have been able to model the love that goes beyond our human comprehension to my students - a love which doesn't come from me, but from the One who prepared this career in advance for me.

At a time like that, I'll be able embrace the words of a student that tells me how nice I am. Heck, I may even crack a smile.

Is it ever too late?

This morning as I was driving into work, I listened to a story about a girl whose goal was to raise $300 by her 9th birthday to donate to countries without access to clean drinking water. What a noble cause! Sadly, she was $80 away from her goal when she was killed in a car accident.

The silver lining to this story was that in the aftermath of this tragedy, almost $200,000 was raised towards her cause. This made me pause to think for a moment: why is it that so often it takes something drastic to happen to motivate us to do something?

A few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon at church on procrastination. I had been thinking about making a phone call that was much overdue, but had been putting it off for various reasons - not the least of which because it had been so long since we had spoken. To make a long story short, I put off making the call, and a few weeks later I regretted not doing so earlier. "If I only had called earlier," I thought, "maybe it wouldn't be too late."

Therein lies the question of the day: "Is it ever too late?" Perhaps we often think of the "too late" question from the wrong perspective. If you are anything like me, you think about this question in terms of it being too late for things to turn out the way YOU want them to turn out. Instead, perhaps we can think about whether it's too late for things to turn out in the way God wants them to happen - a way that goes beyond our human comprehension.

A little 9-year old girl had a desire to raise a mere $300 to help people she didn't know get clean drinking water. A big part of me feels that it shouldn't take tragedy to motivate people to do good. Wouldn't it be great if this girl got the satisfaction of knowing her worthwhile goal was accomplished? Although it might feel like it's too late for her to know that her kindness was noticed and supported, somehow I feel like she knows. $200,000 later, it is not too late.

Sweet, with a little bitter mixed in

Selfishness is a condition we all share. Unfortunate as it is, it is a commonality for all of us due to our inherent nature as humans. In children, this is often manifested when they see something good happen to another student. Instead of being happy for their friend, they complain.

"Mr. Lin, why does SHE get to sit on the couch?" a student might complain. Or, if someone shares that he or she is going to do something fun with their family during an upcoming weekend, a child might say "Awww! That's not fair... I NEVER get to go to do anything fun!"

Why is it that kids can't simply be happy when something good happens to another person, even those that they are friends with? And, as adults, do we ever grow out of this? Sure, we're happy for our friends when good things happen to them. But am I the only one that feels a sense of sadness when it seems others are moving on to places and things while I feel like I'm being left behind? Examples that might be common could be a friend getting a promotion, a loved one finding 'the one', or watching a brother celebrate winning a baseball championship from the stands when your own team was eliminated during the regular season (*ahem* Bret Boone in 2003).

For me, I've had a few bittersweet moments recently where I'm sad even though I'm happy for someone a care about. The most recent came today, when one of my team members (we are a very close team) told us today about a call she received last night. The call: she was going to be interning in an administrative position at a different school. In other words, it is a step towards becoming a principal - a position she would excel at.

While I'm extremely excited for her and for the children she will get to influence, I recognize that happiness is not the only emotion I feel. I cannot break the feeling of sorrow that lingers past the initial response of sadness I felt at the news. Even though I know she'll make a great administrator, I already miss her. I love depending on my teammates for support (not only with curriculum, but spiritually and emotionally as well) and losing one is like losing a member of the family and this particular person is like our team mom. While I know that work and life will be fine, the selfish part of me doesn't want things to change when things are going well the way they are now.

In those quiet moments where I stop for a second and think, I know that when things happen that shake up our lives, it will not always be bliss that I feel. However, bliss is not one of the fruits of the spirit; in fact, happiness isn't either. Joy - an emotion that transcends our natural disposition to be selfish - is what we can share with friends and loved ones in these situations.

Friend, although I'm not happy that you will be leaving us, I am joyful.

I'm still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around
Knock some jerk to the ground
‘Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

These days there’s dudes getting facials
Manicured waxed and botoxed
But with deep spray on tans and creamy lotioney hands
You can’t grip a tackle box
With all of these men lining up to get neutered
It’s hip now to be feminized I don’t highlight my hair
I’ve still got a pair
Yeah, honey I’m still a guy

My eyebrows ain’t plucked
Theres a gun in my truck
Thank God I’m still a guy

- Brad Paisley


When I take a moment and think about things, I realize that I'm probably atypical in just about every part of my life. I terrified of heights, but one of my favorite activities is to rock climb. I'm a pacifist (in the sense that I think violence should be the last resort), but I am proud to say I was enlisted in the US Marine Corps - in the infantry no less. And, the first time my buddy Ryan rode in my truck, he heard country music blaring and looked at me like he had just seen Bigfoot. An Asian dude that listens to country music? Who woulda figured?

Another paradox is my profession, since teaching is a woman-dominated profession. So much so that I was once asked at a party if I was gay simply because I chose teaching as my profession. Although I don't feel the need to prove my masculinity, every once in a while the inherent nature of being a guy will come out. Today was one of those days.

After I took my class to P.E., I saw the students were climbing ropes - the long ones that reach the rafters. The P.E. teacher challenged me to jump on a rope, and seconds later I was on my way to touching the ceiling. Problem: I'm now 30 feet from the ground in my work clothes and wishing I had thought about the prospect of rope burn before I jumped on the rope.

As the nurse tended to my bloody hands, she said "Johnny, you're such a guy." Well, at least the kids thought it was cool!

Brad Paisley would have been proud.

"If I could meet anyone in history, it would be..."

Every day, we are all faced with challenges that go unseen by casual observers. In the teaching field, this perhaps is more prevalent than in any of the other profession. If you've been following this blog, you know that my day doesn't end at 3:00 - not even close. This year, we have been implementing new curriculum guides that have been the bane of many of our existences because they cause much seemingly undue work.

I've been asked a few times why I would go into teaching so late in life. I tell them that my venture into the teaching field was brought about by a strong desire to follow my calling, one that is both philanthropic as well as evangelic, and every once in a while God will show me the fruits of my labor. In Virginia, we get a moment of silence before each day so that those of us that pray can do so silently. Last year, my students were curious at first. When they began to realize what I was doing, they honored this silence and asked me respectful questions that allowed me to answer questions about my faith. I am careful not to say 'share my faith' because that is strictly prohibited in the US school system and I dance carefully around this regulation.

This year, just a few days into the school year, one of my students - perhaps emboldened by his teacher's daily morning prayer - asked if he could share his journal response with the class. The question that I asked that morning was "If you could be or meet anyone in history, who would it be?" His answer was stated loudly and proudly to the whole class - "Mr. Lin, if I could meet anyone in history, it would be Jesus Christ."

Inside me, a smile was bursting through my unflinching exterior.

One man's trash is another man's treasure

I'll fully admit that I get scared of things sometimes. If you think that makes me less of a man, then so be it. I'm terrified of heights (and yes, I rock climb. Go figure), of dairy products (ok, maybe the people around me should be terrified, not me), and sometimes I'm scared of random unknown circumstances.

The most recent unknown that I became scared of was my class for the 2011-2012 school year. I had heard that the incoming class was very difficult and had a lot of needs. Considering how difficult last year was, I've been scared that this year would not only push me to my limits, but push me over the edge. Last year I had a few difficult students and circumstances, but overall I had a very sweet class. They showered me with gifts at the end of the year, including one student who gave me a new whacking stick to use on my next class. Very touching.

To prepare for this year, I decided to practice being tough. No smiling until December. After 1 week of school, I have to say that my plan has been implemented with near perfection, as teachers come to the 5th grade hall and ask if it is boot camp over here. My friend Anna came over and told me she looked in my room and couldn't believe it was me, since I'm usually smiling and goofing off with the kids. I asked one kid what the 5th grade thought of me, and he said "Strict. And smart." I like it!

I have to say though, I can't say that this year's class has lived up to their billing. Sure, there are some kids that have trouble staying still or paying attention. But for the most part they are sweet, cute, and they want to please teachers as much as any 5th grade class could be expected. Perhaps it is because it is a boy heavy class, but I feel much more connected with these kids this year. As much warning as I got from other people about these kids, I am cautiously optimistic and even excited about how this year will go.

New year

For those of you that don't know, my school is on a modified calendar. This means my school year begins tomorrow, July 25th. I know it's been a while since I've blogged so here is a quick recap of the last few months:

- I finally began working less
- My kids did great on their SOLs
- Moral of the story: put in effort and care about the kids, but there the law of diminishing returns applies. This upcoming year I am determined to work less, climb more (I'm a rock climber), and devote more time to those loved ones outside of school.

As my focus becomes more balanced in life, I've decided to focus more of this blog on reflections outside of school. It's no secret to those that have been around me that the past year has been extremely difficult. Mostly because I was often unable to handle in a positive way the challenges that I faced, I lost the person I grew to love more than anyone, including myself.

Reflecting on this, I realize now that I need to be more balanced in my life. Devotion to work and loving my children is important, especially since I am following God's plan for my life. However, remembering to love and connect with God needs to be my first priority. Following that, I needed to communicate with and love the person that loved me most. I once thought that I couldn't love this person any more than I did. Looking back, it is clear that I could have. It had always been easy for me to put her needs above mine, but when I was hurting, insecure, and scared of being hurt more, I was unable to do so.

Although it is too late now to dwell on these mistakes, I have many regrets about how I balanced my life last year and wish I could have handled things differently. I can only hope this was a good learning experience and that next time I won't wait until it is too late to hold on to the one that I love.

***Warning*** Adult Content

OK so I confess, this isn’t X-rated. Not even close. However, the content is dirty enough that it has taken me half the year to actually post it. My apologies to those that know I’m going to be teaching sex ed this year too – this isn’t a post about that. So without further ado…

A few weeks into the school year I was using PowerPoint and a projector to teach part of my math lesson. At some point of my lesson, I grabbed a meter stick to point out and highlight things I was teaching. One of my students in the front decided to turn around and talk with his friend, and the whole table group became immersed in their little conversation. To this day I have no idea what caused me to do it, but instead of asking the students to quit talking I hit the meter stick down on one of the desks. I didn’t swing hard, but the stick hit the desk flush and made a really loud crack. The entire room stopped dead and I continued my lesson like nothing had happened. That afternoon when I picked my kids up from specials, the P.E. teacher said, “So, I hear you have a whacking stick.” Little did I know what this innocent name that one of my students had given my meter stick would blossom into.

Over the next few weeks, my ‘whacking stick’ became the buzz of the 5th grade. Of course, I had to play into it. I carried it everywhere I went, smacked countless desks, and not once denied using it for disciplinary purposes. Deep down inside however, I found it absolutely hilarious that they referred to it as my ‘whacking stick.’ Even more hilarious was that they all wanted to use it and imitate me.

So… why is this posted aptly named “Warning, Adult Content”? Imagine the many times I’ve had to bite my tongue when students say “Mr. Lin, I never get to touch your whacking stick!” Do you know how many times have I wanted to tell kids “Never touch another man’s whacking stick”? Perhaps the best story of all was when they asked my girlfriend way back in September, “Does he smack you with his whacking stick?” Um, no. We’re waiting for marriage for that. Seriously… in what other job do you get this kind of amusement?

A teacher's pay

No one ever gets into teaching for the pay. Those that teach also know you don't get into teaching because it's easy or because you have great hours. The reason that I haven't posted in 6 weeks is because the overwhelming amount of work that has taken a toll on all aspects of my life. Aside from the lesson planning and grading that consumes most evenings and weekends, it is a directive at the place I work to create individualized plans for students that are at-risk. Being at a Title I school I have many at-risk kids. I've had to create plans and have individual meetings with no less than 14 students. My friends rarely see me, my girlfriend has had serious questions about our relationship, and my usually strong immune system succumbed to pneumonia a few weeks ago. I've spent time in finance, in sales, and on active duty in the United States Marine Corps, and this has been the hardest I've ever worked. It's not even close.

Sounds awful, right? Who in their right mind would get into teaching? What intelligent person who begins teaching would continue this career? The attrition rate of teachers that show the greatest potential is a topic for an entirely different post - or perhaps even an entirely different website or media source. In reality, good teachers - like any good professional - love their jobs. I am far from being a great teacher, and far from having the tenure necessary to even be mentioned in the same breath as most of my colleagues. However, I can appreciate the little things that keep good teachers going for 10, 20, and 30+ years. A few weeks ago, one of my students wrote this letter to me:

Dear Mr. Lin

Did you know that you are the best math teacher ever. In my old school I didn't like my teacher at all. I always hated math. But when I came here at forth grad (grade) it was great. But when I went to your class I super duper liked it! Your (you're) way better then (than) my old school math teacher. I cannot ask for a better math teacher that you my pall (pal) Mr. Lin.

From A**** S*****

In the middle of a tumultuous time in my personal like, a 10 year old serves up the best encouragement I could have asked for.