Things We Would Change (if we could)

I think all of us have thought about the things in our lives or days that we would go back and change if we could.  Here’s my list of what I would do differently:

1) Not jumped in the deep end of the pool without my floaties when I was 4.  I thought I could swim.  I thought wrong.

2) Realized BEFORE middle school that playing Dungeons and Dragons really wasn’t so cool.

3) Concentrated on football early in life instead of violin.  Oh, high school could have been so different…

4) Asked out that pretty redhead in college that always smiled at me when we passed.  If only her smile didn’t render me completely speechless as well…

5) Not gotten in the car the night of March 21, 2001.  The next time I would be conscious would be 2 months later.

I look back on these moments with remorse, but would I really change them? 

-          Almost drowning at age 4 didn’t make me fearful; rather, it helped make me realize (along with a bunch of other foolish things I did over the next 25 or so years) that there is a difference between fearlessness and reckless impulsivity. 

-          Not being cool enough for my best friend gave me a lesson on what is socially acceptable and what isn't.  It also gave us both lessons on friendship and forgiveness. In 2005 – almost 20 years later – I was the best man at his wedding.

-          Waiting until my senior year to play football because I thought I was too small – and subsequently becoming a starter – made me realize that I should never underestimate myself. 

-          I’m pretty sure my future wife (whoever she might be) will make me thankful that I never ended up with anyone else. 

-          Despite the grueling recovery path and the things I’m no longer capable of, the car accident 11 years ago had a profound impact on my outlook on life and my spiritual walk.  I’m a better man because of what I went through.

Yesterday, I had another moment which I wish I could change.  On the day before Spring Break, I gave my students a math test.  I really wish I hadn’t.

I don’t remember a whole lot of what I thought when I was in the 5^th grade.  I’m guessing many of us don’t – either that or we have a warped opinion of what went through our minds at that age.  My only thought yesterday was,

“I should give this test because we just finished the unit, and I’ll have time to grade them over the break!”  

I never once thought that the kids wouldn’t be focused.  That is, not until they were taking the test and 2 of my most responsible students kept looking around like they thought the Easter Bunny was going to walk through the door any moment and give them chocolate eggs. 

Mr. Lin:  “Willie*, what are you doing?”

Willie:  “Huh?”                   

Mr. Lin: "Are you OK?  You haven’t written anything in 10 minutes.”

Willie: “My brain hurts.  I don’t want to do any more math.”

Haley*:  “Same here.  Do I have to finish this?”

Note to self:  The day before vacation is NEVER a good time to give assessments.  Almost all the kids turned in their tests with 20 minutes remaining.  Several students left full pages without answers on them.  3 kids fell out of their chairs for no apparent reason.  What a disaster.

A few weeks ago, I had this conversation with a student after she had gotten angry as I was trying to help correct her homework:

Mr. Lin:  “Are you angry because you did your homework wrong?”

Student:  “Yes.  You’re always mad at me because I get things wrong.”

Mr. Lin:  “Look at me.  Do I seem mad?”

Student:  “No.  But I didn’t do it right.  So you’re mad.”

Mr. Lin:  “Getting things wrong isn’t a bad thing.  We can always learn from our mistakes.”

Student:  “But I don’t want to make mistakes.  I want to do things that are easy.”

Mr Lin:  “No one is perfect, so we all make mistakes.  The important thing isn’t that we don’t make mistakes.  It’s that we are able to make mistakes and learn from them.  If you always do things that are easy, would you be learning anything?”

Student: “No…”

With all the mistakes I’ve made while teaching over the past two years, I’ve had all too many times where I wanted a do-over on my day.  I’ve had all too many times where I’ve been angry.  I’ve been angry at my students.  I’ve been angry at myself.  And, I’ve been angry because God’s plan for me was to become a teacher.  In this moment however, I realize that God is speaking those same words to me that I said to that little girl several weeks ago. 

Here’s to learning and reflecting on my experience.  Here’s to (hopefully) becoming a better teacher.

*Note:  Names are changed