Boycotting Halloween

Warning:  This post isn't my best effort.  Much like the rest of my day today...

As we near next week’s presidential elections, I’m going to take a stance that is decidedly right-wing.  Halloween is the devil’s holiday, and it should be banned.  Halloween is destroying the youth of America.

Last Week's Warning

Last week, one of my students came up to me to ask a very important question:

Katherine*:  “Mr. Lin, are we going to have homework on Halloween?”

Mr. Lin (false relief in voice):  “I’m glad you reminded me, Katherine!  I had totally forgotten to write that into my lessons.  Wow that was a close one!”

            Katherine: “But I have to go trick-or-treating… you CAN’T assign homework!”

           

The Calm Before the Storm

Yesterday, I greeted my students cheerily in the morning.

            Mr. Lin:  “Good morning, class!  Happy Halloween!!!”

            Student A:  “Are you going trick-or-treating?”

            Student B:  “Where do you live?  I want to come by and get candy from you!!”

            Student C:  “How come you didn’t dress up?”

            Mr. Lin:  “Of course I dressed up.  I have a great costume.  Instead of being a mean teacher, I’m a nice teacher today.”

            Katherine:  “Does that mean we won’t get any homework tonight?”

            Mr. Lin:  “No, that just means I won’t hit anyone with my whacking stick today.  Now take out your Puzzling binders, we’re starting class.”

The Aftermath

Today, as I was checking over homework in class, I noticed something different about the students.  They – even the ones that normally can’t sit still or keep their mouths shut – were remarkably docile.  When Marcus* slurred his words as his eyelids were fluttering shut, I decided to take an impromptu poll of the classroom.

            Mr. Lin:  “Class, if you went trick-or-treating last night, raise your hand.”

All of the kids put their hands in the air.

            Mr. Lin:  “Ok, if you got home later than 8:00, keep your hand raised.”

All the hands stayed up.

            Mr. Lin:  “If you got home later than 9:00, keep your hand up.”

A few hands went down.  A smattering more went down with each hourly increment and I realized that the vast majority of the class had less than 6 hours of sleep – all because of Halloween.  To top it off, my principal walked into my room about 10 minutes after I took this poll and proceeded to observe me teaching a very interactive lesson to a room full of comatose children.  That game we played at the end of class to demonstrate their proficiency?  My students – who love games and are VERY competitive – were fighting to be LAST in line rather than first.   

The devil’s holiday indeed!  I haven’t received my observation report back yet, but I can guess it won’t be the best one I’ve ever received.  Perhaps I should start a movement to remove Halloween from the calendar to save other teachers from similarly horrifying observations.  Either that or perhaps I’ll give in and heed the advice of a 10 year old girl:  no homework on Halloween.  

*Name changed